But words ... well, words can't do that. I oppose the idea that words can hurt you. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to deny the existence of psychological abuse, nor do I want to downplay the terrible effects it has on its victims. I just want to make the point that it's not the words that hurt you, but their semantics. If you think that this is a bit nitpicky, consider swear words for a moment. Isn't it stupid to be offended by them? They're words, sequences of phonemes, they can't hurt you!
Sure, if someone you care about calls you a fucking asshole it will hurt. But will it really hurt less if they call you a fricking a-hole? It's the fact that they're upset with you that hurts, not the words they are using. At least not in this example where I've not given you any context. You see, language can be an important indicator of a person's mental state, but decoding that requires significant knowledge about their personality. While your drinking buddy might call you a fucking asshole just because you beat them at darts, if your professor calls you a darn idiot you might be seriously in trouble. There is a spectrum of expressing negativity through language. It ranges from "I think that was a bit rude" to "I wish you die and go to hell you fucking cunt" (isn't it great that my web-comic is self hosted).
That's why it bothers me if "community guidelines" or "codes of conduct" deny the use of the full spectrum. It seems to me like they try to limit the range of negative emotions people have for each other by limiting the spectrum of linguistic expression. What an Orwellian thing to do (I guess most people think 1984 was about surveillance). Hopefully you see how futile that is. People will hate each other, regardless of being able to express that hate in an obvious manner. Even the most hurtful forms of psychological abuse are entirely possible using only "family friendly" language. It's like trying to prevent weight gain by buying a scale that only goes up to 80 Kg.
So, am I saying we should just be rude to each other to our hearts content? Well, yes and no. I'd like it if everyone were to swear responsibly and if platforms were giving us the freedom to do so. Abusing the far side of the spectrum for any minor incident is just as dumb as using "content filters" to blacklist it.
In a similar way, I don't like how the English speaking world handles the opposite spectrum as well. If English is your first language, you might be surprised to learn that Germans use the word "Liebe" (love) a lot more sparingly. I think that is a far better way to do it. There is no stronger word than love, so what good is it to say "I love my wife" if you go on to tell everyone how much you love these awesome cheese bits. Use the entire spectrum! If you love everything and everyone, is there anything left that you like?
I guess this shift towards the extremes is caused by the constant battle for attention we find ourselves in these days. After all, would you rather read a restaurant review from someone who kinda liked it or from someone who fucking loved it? Would you rather read a post about something that mildly annoys me or about something I fucking hate? It's the extremes that catch our attention. We are drawn towards passionate expression of strong emotions. It's silence, deliberation and carefulness that stay behind. And you know what?
I fucking hate that.
Note: I'm on vacation, so there might not be a comic next week. Unfortunately it looks like it's going to rain a lot, so I might get bored and do one anyways, but I want to leave myself the option to skip it.
