I think I discovered the main strawman that causes extremism: focusing goals rather than means. “The other side wants us to descend into a dystopian hellscape whereas our side just wants some basic things we have a right to anyways”. This is such a common pattern that you probably agree with it, without even knowing what it’s about. But I’d argue that this argumentative structure is the main reason people become extremists without realizing. Let’s unpack it in this blog post.
First, let’s look at how two sides of an argument can see each other this way. This part is actually straight forward: both camps have walls around them and they see the inside of their own wall and the outside of the other. While the inside wallpaper shows opportunities and common sense, the outside is sprayed with risks, misunderstandings and prejudice. While you know many people from your own camp who are quite reasonable, you often only know the people from the other camp who are so insane that the media you consume can demonize them. It’s just how human tribalism has always worked.
But what I realized only recently is that there is a second layer to this: why are we talking about what we want at all? Don’t get me wrong, of course we should have discussions about political issues, that’s the only way democracy can work. But our terminal goals are hardly relevant for most of the decisions we are making. In most discussions, they are merely a distraction. They are used to sow distrust for the other side, even when they do something you’d usually approve of. And they are used to justify means that you would otherwise condemn if they were used by your opponents. That last one is especially effective at pulling people towards extremism if you can convince them that the end justifies the means.
But you don’t become an extremist by dreaming about a better world, no matter what “better” means for you. You also don’t become an extremist by advocating for it and not even by trying to win others for your cause and forming a movement. You become an extremist by disregarding the rights and freedoms of those who might be opposed to your vision of the future. You become an extremist by trying to force your will on those who disagree. You become an extremist if you bend the facts, deceive and endorse violence. All of that is fully independent of your goals. You just don’t have the right to do that. Nobody says you can’t fight for your goals, but you have to respect that others might never share them. All you can do is establish common ground.
Now you might say “but the others are not interested in that! They don’t play by those rules, so why should I?” Well, somewhat unsatisfyingly, my answer is that “the others” should be the ones who don’t play by those rules and “we” should be the ones who do. That’s right, I’m proposing that we build our own camp in between. One that sees the outside of both walls but doesn’t hate them for it. You don’t have to “decide which side you’re on”. People who want you to do that don’t really care about you. They aren’t willing to see you as an individual and understand your needs and values, they just want to know if you’re friend or foe. That is a mindset of war. Seek out people who respect you independently of your opinion. Never adopt an opinion just to please someone. And if someone is bending the facts, deceiving or endorsing violence, always call them out for it.
I know that this post might be seen as promoting “centrism” and many people are not too fond of that. But I encourage you to think about it. Because what am I promoting here? That we listen to each other, that we care for each other and that we stop tolerating deceit and violence. Sorry, not sorry. No matter what issue we’re talking about, if you can’t tell the difference between indifference and nuance, you’re part of the problem and not the solution. That is the only hill I’m willing to die on.
