The search for meaning is like an annoying child that asks "why?" and after every explanation asks "why?" again until the adults lash out and answer something like "because I say so, now shut up!". While children see the main utility in this phenomenon to annoy adults, the underlying process raises the most profound of all questions: What is the fundamental reason for everything?
I was obsessed with that question. I wanted to answer it so badly, I became the annoying child that questions everything. It turns out that this gets even more annoying when the child actually knows what it's doing, rationally deconstructing any explanation, any belief, anything that I could at least choose as *my* fundamental reason for everything. Although many people tried to feed me stories, beliefs, superstitions, religions, gods ... it was all in vain. The annoying child would never shut up.
In nihilism I finally found peace. It is painfully unsatisfying to admit that the most profound of all questions doesn't have an answer. *There is no fundamental reason.* The annoying child can stop asking "why?". There is never going to be an answer. The never-ending, mind-numbing restlessness of searching for an answer can stop. In it's place, a more hopeful quest begins: The quest for acceptance. Coming to terms with the meaninglessness of existence is a tremendous task. I've only just embarked on this journey, but I have hope that this might finally be something that is actually achievable. A path that might finally lead me to peace.
Wish me luck. And if you want to come along, continue reading bird.lol.
