Don't try this at home

Please don't. Arson is a serious crime. I don't think I have to tell you that. Especially since it would be extremely dumb to burn down your own apartment. Instead, do one of the following (all are at least slightly better than burning down your own apartment):

  • Pretend you are not home and hope they don't have a key
  • If they have a key, replace the lock
  • Throw a party when they visit. Nobody expects your apartment to be lean *during* a party.
  • Act completely surprised you apartment looks messy and tell them you had a guest that stayed the last few weeks.
  • Put cardboard into all windows and remove all lightbulbs. Tell your landlord you like it that way and make sure they don't trip.
  • Set an animal free inside your apartment and blame it all on the animal. If it is cute enough, nobody will ask questions.
  • Clean up. duh.

Comic transcript

Panel 1:
G and H are sitting in G's apartment, which is really messy.
H: I don’t care that your apartment is a bit of a mess. But what will you do when someone else visits you?
G: Nah, don’t worry. My friends don’t care and who else would visit me?
Panel 2:
the phone rings.
Answering machine: This is the answering machine of ... well you know who you called just get to it ... beep Yes, hello this is your landlord. I’ll come by tomorrow and replace your defective smoke alarm. See you!
Panel 3:
G and H are standing outside. G has a big suitcase.
G: Well, it’s really unfortunate my apartment building burned down, due to an electrical fault. Good thing I coincidentally put all valuables and important documents into this suitcase before it happened.